skip to main |
skip to sidebar
BuzzFeed shares what's gotta be the gayest moment in American culture since the season premiere of "RuPaul's Drag Race." RELATED: 106.5 million people watched last night's game, reports CBS, edging out the final episode of the network's own "M*A*S*H" to become the most-watched TV program of all time.
Toyota dealers across five states down in hillbilly territory have pulled their ads from ABC affiliates because of "excessive" news coverage about the automaker's terrifying safety problems, moving the spots to non-ABC stations to really show 'em who's boss. Now is the time, naturally, for the CBS and NBC stations in those markets to immediately begin prepping their multipart series on Toyota not only peddling deathtraps worthy of the Ford Pinto but punishing journalists who dare to call 'em out on it.
Another month, another batch of naked pics of Levi Johnston from Playgirl?? His cover hits newsstands Feb. 22 (we could've sworn that happened months ago, but anyway). As a bonus, a pay-per-view special on the shoot debuts Feb. 12, reports Bonnie Fuller. Has the unveiling of a veritable nobody's pasty rear ever been so thoroughly exhausted? (And is it just us, or does Levi, on that cover, somewhat resemble a young Scott Brown? Guess if you've seen one johnston, you've seen 'em all.)
Looking across magazine circ figures title-by-title for the second half of '09, it's hardly a surprise they suck. And those with the steepest overall circ declines (Reader's Digest, TV Guide, Prevention) also are no revelation, seeing that these mags' withered readership continues to drop like flies. (Notably bad performers at the newsstand, in particular, included Time and Newsweek, W and Good Housekeeping.) Meanwhile, a handful of relatively new titles that have caught on with consumers (Women's Health, People spinoff StyleWatch) continued to reap still more readers even in the last, horrible year. But, as always, there were a couple of surprises, as Media Decoder points out: namely that Bon Appetit's reader base seems to be emptying out like a restaurant after a rat was spotted enjoying a three-course prix fixe. The mag's newsstand sales really got torched, collapsing by more than 9% ... this, even after rival sister pub Gourmet got the shaft (the company says a bump in Bon App's circ will be reflected in '10 figures). But even taking Gourmet out of the equation: a near-double-digit falloff in single-copy sales doesn't speak so highly of the vibrancy of a brand, does it Si? (We can't imagine what's keeping readers from snapping up a mag that delights in putting autopsies and abortions on its cover month after month.)
Aside from the generally abysmal brand advertising we all had to suffer during this year's Super Bowl (especially all the ads clearly inspired by "Avatar," those creepy, need-to-be-retired E*Trade talking babies, and that colossally pointless Google spot ... but definitely check out this hilarious parody, taking Tiger Woods down yet one more notch), the other tedious thing about those endless commercial pods were the incessant, grating promos for CBS's prime-time shows ... with the singular exception of the genius pitch for "The Late Show," featuring Dave with his BFF (Oprah) and biggest foe (Leno). To us, it was the very best moment of the whole evening (minus the Saints' big win, duh) in that it was that truly rare thing in marketing: a real surprise, and an honest-to-God inspired idea. It even managed the impossible: making Leno seem (shudder) funny, even likable. To think, Leno's come to despise his own network to the point that he (a) was moved to finally, officially, publicly bury the hatchet with Dave after all these years and (b) go on his chief rival's net to promote his show, and during the Super Bowl no less! Consider this most public of all NBC insults just one more nail in Zucker's coffin. RELATED: The Times's Bill Carter has the skinny on how the whole Letterman promo went down, including Leno and Oprah's stealth trips to NYC and The Ed Sullivan Theater ... and Zucker giving Leno his blessing to shoot the spot (??). And speaking of the only special-needs child to ever run a network, No. 1 Zucker hater Nikki Finke also deemed this year's ads the "worst ever" (and as we all know, hers is the only opinion that counts).
Yes, "Fox NFL Sunday" host and former Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson has been enlisted by ExtenZe to be the face (or some body part) of its new ad campaign, as Ad Age is reporting. The cringe-worthy tagline? "Go long with ExtenZe. I do!" Which, natch, is our cue to chime in with: It's a hard job, but somebody's gotta do it. (Ba-dum-dum.) Eighth-grade humor to sell sex products: never gets old, does it?
HBO is developing a series about a powerful, distaff Hollywood blogger in the vein of hell-on-heels Nikki Finke. The big question: who will play the much-feared-and-loathed battle-ax of the blabosphere? Casting is a challenge considering no one has actually seen Nikki for a few decades now. But a few studio suits have already agreed upon who'd be a natural for the role:
Not sure a handful of iPhone apps qualifies Conde Nast as a truly "multimedia" outfit, but ... we give 'em points for at least trying to seem modern and, more to the point, competitive in the digital space. That said, it ain't exactly revolutionary: for some time, media brands (Rodale, Adweek) have been dumping terms like "press" and "magazines" from their corporate identity. Meanwhile, one of the most ambitious publishers when it comes to digital, Hearst, still proudly trumpets "magazines" in its name, as a nod, perhaps, to its heritage and, yes, to the fact that the bulk of its revenue still comes from print (as is the case, naturally, with all magazine publishers, iPad or not). So, at the end of the day, not really sure what dropping "publications" really does for Conde Nast ... but whatever helps 'em sleep at night, we guess.
At first glance, we thought that hysterical, right-wing CU-Next-Tuesday nutjob Elizabeth Hasselbeck of TV's "The View" had made a film. And yeah, yeah, we know it made like $13 million its opening weekend ... which just goes to show how hard-up people are for entertainment now that Julia Roberts isn't making movies anymore. Not only is this the lamest title for a flick in some time ... but we think we gotta add its eye-roller of a tagline to HuffPost's compilation the other day of the all-time worst. "Did you ever wish for the impossible?" Yes: a movie entertaining, clever and original enough to keep us from getting up and leaving the theater halfway through.
It will come as a surprise to absolutely no one outside the coma ward that Comcast may be having second thoughts about keeping on the only special needs child to ever run a television network, Jeff Zucker, after taking over NBC Universal. Despite having expressed "enthusiastic support" for a man who could be the inspiration for a prime-time spinoff series called "The Biggest Idiot," Zucker's front-and-center role in the Leno-Conan mess might have them finally seeing Zucker for what he really is (a professional leg-humper). That Comcast execs have tapped former NBCU exec (and Zucker nemesis) Randy Falco as a consultant on the transition cannot mean good news for the Network Napoleon, as the Post points out. This, following No. 1 Zucker hater Nikki Finke's report that Comcast insiders are saying it most definitely will take "minutes, not months" for the new owners to do to Zucker what he's done to his network and its faithful audience all these years, never mind that fresh, 3-year contract. (Score one for Team Coco.)
Once again, much-reviled former adman/canceled cable TV talker/banana-hammock-wearing/all-around douchebag Donny Deutsch has stuck his foot in his big, yapping, veneers-clad pie hole, wondering why dating site ManCrunch (whose Super Bowl ad was rejected by CBS) would want to advertise in that venue anyway since, of course, gays don't watch football. Yeah, as everybody knows, they're much too busy going to see "Wicked," shopping for towels at Bloomingdale's, walking their poodles, and blowing each other in the Meat Rack on Fire Island. Way to reduce an entire (and affluent, and big-spending, and, yes, even sports-watching and sports-participating) subset of the population to an outmoded cultural stereotype worthy of Anita Bryant, ya roly-poly, spray-tanned piece of homophobic crap. Bet the ad business, which has enough trouble nowadays, is relieved that this walking, talking fart is no longer a part of their esteemed fraternity. (Here's hoping he drives a Toyota.)
With nearly a year left on her contract, TV news's answer to box office poison Katie Couric (whose "CBS Evening News" remains hopelessly mired in distant third place) almost certainly faces a "huge cut" in her $15 million salary, as the Post is reporting. (That another 150 got canned from CBS's news division Monday surely doesn't help her case.) The paper says the consensus inside the net is that Katie's ill-conceived casting as anchorwoman was a "noble but failed experiment" (ouch) ... and speculation has it that Katie might be a natural for a daytime talker, with Queen Oprah bowing out. We couldn't agree more: time to save face, save your network, and cut and run, Katie. This whole situation reminds us more than a little of David Caruso, who infamously, arrogantly left his big, fat prime-time hit "NYPD Blue" back in the 90s to launch an ultimately failed film career ... but who was, against all odds, able to (rather, lucky enough to) reboot after returning to that which he knows best: network TV and another sweet gig, "CSI: Miami." Likewise, the chirpy Couric had a long, successful run on NBC's "Today" show doing what she's best-suited to do: making happy talk for the infotainment of stay-at-home moms during the daylight hours. Trying to turn her into an Edward R. Murrow for the soccer-mom set was an idiotic gimmick that was never, ever going to work (clearly) ... much like the selection of Conan O'Brien to helm "The Tonight Show," or Sarah Palin as v.p. nominee, or Ben Silverman to shepherd NBC's prime-time programming, or the ill-advised appointment and retention of more than a few magazine publishers we can think of. Stunts usually don't work in the long run, and "bold" decisions (as we have all, quite painfully, experienced over the last decade, over the course of way too many wars, and tax cuts for the rich, and giving the private sector a golden ticket with which to run amok) don't always make for "smart" ones.
To mark the Oscar nominations, HuffPost has compiled a list of the all-time worst movie taglines ... and at the top has to be the ludicrous "catchphrase" used to market the 1973 George C. Scott thriller "The Day of the Dolphin." (We never knew, till we saw the poster, that this masterpiece was directed by ... Mike Nichols?? Wow, Nichols really did crank out some crap over his career, didn't he?) Some of our other faves: "Laugh. Cry. Share the Pants." (from "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"); "Science Created Him. Now Chuck Norris Must Destroy Him." (from "Silent Rage"); and finally, this grabber: "They came to Space Camp with the dream of becoming astronauts. Suddenly, without warning, before they were ready, they were launched into space." (from, duh, "Space Camp"). Kind of quaint when you consider the genius taglines for current releases like, say, "Avatar": "Believe it, or not." (Good to see movie marketing has come so far.)
We guess the magazine business will take any morsel of good news it can get: even if what passes for "good news" nowadays is actually bad news that's not quite as bad as it was, say, a year ago. To wit: Newsstand sales are still way down but the losses appear to be leveling off, as Ad Age is reporting. Woo-hoo, break out the party hats! (Actual magazine circ numbers for the second half of '09 are out next Monday.) Our question: are publishers contented to live with these depressed (if less depressed) circ levels, or do they have any strategy for actually doing that truly unheard of thing in these times: growing sales?
Having succeeded in doing very little to plug those gaping holes quickly taking on water, Conde Nast management is now directing its frustration at lowly wage apes, instituting a "fraud hotline" so workers can rat out their colleagues for stealing, falsifying company records and appropriating intellectual property, as Keith Kelly broke late this afternoon. (Yeah, padded expense reports: that's the burning issue over there.) But ain't it always the way it is at these failing companies: blame employees for the downfall of the place, turn them against one another, and finally procure still more names for that list of worker bees to be dumped out onto the curb like a bunch of discarded Annie Leibovitz contact sheets. Beats the hell out of actually producing magazines consumers want to buy, selling ads and coming up with innovative ways to otherwise save your ass, we suppose.
Yeah, yeah, so they're out. Carpetbagger has the full rundown of Oscar noms in major categories ... just like every other "news" site and blog known to man, as if that many people were really interested, especially in a year when there's not even a Julia Roberts movie up for consideration! HitFix zeros in on the biggest "surprises" (not exactly up there with, say, the surprise of stepping on a land mine whilst serving your country in Afghanistan, but anyway). The big shocker those desperately in need of lives can't stop talking about: the Best Picture nod for glorified Lifetime flick "The Blind Side" (and no, we haven't seen it; when we heard church groups were organizing screenings, we figured it might not be our cup of hemlock). Sandy Buttocks, nominated for Best Actress for the film, demonstrates once more that big hair, a Southern drawl and a lame, formulaic tearjerker about overcoming class and racial conflict can often lead to Oscar gold ... and in this case, finally (possibly) redeem "Miss Congeniality 2." In other surprises, Maggie Gyllenhaal shut out Julianne Moore in the Best Supporting Actress category. When Maggie Gyllenhaal is part of the "Oscar buzz," we don't really think there's much more to say. Wake us when it's over. RELATED: "Avatar" boosts News Corp.'s earnings, reports the Times.
Not contented to have an eponymous talk show, production company, book club, magazine and soon cable channel, Oprah has decided to really branch out and do a project that's all about her, with a series on the new Oprah Winfrey Network centered around the ending of her syndicated program, as the Times is reporting. The only thing missing now is the theme park. (We were also nonplussed to see from the story that Oprah's decorator sidekick Nate Berkus is getting his own syndicated show, produced, naturally, by Oprah's Harpo. When a marginal talent whose design genius rivals that of Colin Cowie and who looks like the kind of 90-lb weakling who used to get pushed down a flight of stairs in school gets his own series, we're pretty sure it heralds the end of the once-great daytime talk show genre.)
Another movie-awards season, another Vanity Fair Hollywood issue, featuring on its cover a bunch of "up-and-coming" actresses you might have read about a time or two but who you would never, ever give a second glance in the Duane Reade checkout (and who you certainly have never seen in a movie, with the possible exception of Kristen Stewart, IF you're 15-years-old). We suppose it's a good way for V.F. to look hip and (maybe) prescient, giving so much ink to tomorrow's Streeps and Sarandons ... but, a couple of thoughts. Firstly, considering the presumed objective nowadays in the tanking publishing industry is to hang on to as many precious readers as you can, perhaps magazine editors would do well to put actual stars on their covers rather than a bunch of boring old nobodies ... especially a mag like V.F., with a median reader age of 102 that probably thinks Abbie Cornish is something you serve for Christmas dinner. Finally, far be it from us to play the race card, but ... in the age of Obama, nine lilly-white ingenues who look like they just stepped out of an all-girls school in Connecticut and not a single one with so much as a dark tan? And in a year, to boot, when Gabby Sidibe is the up-and-comer everybody's talking about? We guess the editors at V.F. feel they already satisfied this season's quota of highly-representative-of-the-African-American-community editorial features with last month's thuggish Tiger Woods cover. RELATED: Gawker handicaps the new V.F. cover, predicting which of the featured starlets will, a decade from now, "be opening pictures and which will be pitching Proactiv." UPDATE: Ad Age columnist calls out V.F.
Catch this story in WashPost about how conservatives are using Twitter and Facebook to "fuel opposition to President Obama and, sometimes, to Republicans"? If so, you're probably still vomiting. What a hip and ingenious idea to harness to power of social media to drive elections and push an agenda! (Can't imagine where they got the idea.) The story makes the point that Hillary was right: there really is a "vast, right-wing conspiracy," a tech-and-media-savvy cabal that encompasses Rush and Brent Bozell and the teabaggers and the Family Research Council and those sickos with their "Bet I Can Find 1 Million Pro-Lifers on Facebook" groups. Not that any of that's news. Which is why we find it curious that the Post devotes so much ink and verve to a story about tweeting among that set of overfed, addle-brained slugs: basically a free ad for the GOP. (One group, we see, is using Twitter to bully Al Gore into a public debate on global warming. Oh, brother.) Yes, dear editors: even though few in their ranks do, in fact, possess opposable thumbs, the right does have computers, and is using the social media that libs made so great against them (much as the 9/11 hijackers used our own technology and haphazard defenses against us). Careful there, Post, or you're going to be competing with the Times for the reporting of non-news news.
Newly elected Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown told Barbara Walters this morning on ABC News's "This Week" that he wouldn't be where he is today if not for having gone spread-eagle for Cosmopolitan magazine 28 years ago. This, following last night's hilarious "SNL" sendup of Brown's beefcake status. Way to embrace your inner mimbo, Brown ... now let's see if you can actually do anything in D.C. besides look pretty and obstruct.
After all we as a species have been through the last couple of years because of those bastard bankers and the mashed potatoes for brains we've hired at the polls to run our government and economy in the ground, we can't quite believe there's still a happening out there called the World Economic Forum. As the always-insightful New York Times reveals, live from Davos: "trust in governments, corporations and banks has become as elusive as sure footing on the icy streets of this Alpine resort." Ya don't say. We hope an effing avalanche falls on all of 'em. Meanwhile, in another much-gushed-about gathering on a snow-capped peak that seems to have lost any real reason for being, Defamer breaks down for us the various reasons the Sundance Film Festival should just fall through a gaping hole in the ice already: from embarrassingly sucky films like Joel Schumacher's "Twelve" (which apparently received the most unintentional laughter of anything since his "Batman and Robin") to the puzzling appearance of nonpersons like Paris Hilton and Jon Gosselin. Davos and Sundance: about as relevant and useful as a magazine publishers convention, a meeting of the NBC programming department, or a convocation on the Sulzberger family trust.
Now this is what we call a slow news day. Apparently lacking anything real to report, Gawker's seen fit to post an item on the wingmen and women ("consiglieri," as it puts it) of top magazine editors like Tina Brown (who, should it have escaped your notice, isn't even a magazine editor anymore). What's next: a feature on the person responsible for the maintenance of Graydon Carter's weave? Or the gentleman who operates the sushi station at the Hearst cafeteria? Or worse, Gayle King?? (Oops, looks like the Post beat everybody to that one.) For chrissakes, does anybody even give a crap about actual magazine EICs anymore, let alone their second bananas? We guess the point of the piece was the fierce "loyalty" of these trusted manservants ... and here we'd just like to submit that those tranny hookers who work the West Side rarely change pimps over the course of their careers, either. Yep, looks like riding a star editor's coattails, happily serving in the subordinate/permanent-lackey/submissive-bottom role till you finally drop dead, can provide some feeling of security and a pretty reliable payday for not-quite-up-to-top-level talent, that person contented to live his or her life as, um, "number two."
BuzzFeed shares what's gotta be the gayest moment in American culture since the season premiere of "RuPaul's Drag Race." RELATED: 106.5 million people watched last night's game, reports CBS, edging out the final episode of the network's own "M*A*S*H" to become the most-watched TV program of all time.
Toyota dealers across five states down in hillbilly territory have pulled their ads from ABC affiliates because of "excessive" news coverage about the automaker's terrifying safety problems, moving the spots to non-ABC stations to really show 'em who's boss. Now is the time, naturally, for the CBS and NBC stations in those markets to immediately begin prepping their multipart series on Toyota not only peddling deathtraps worthy of the Ford Pinto but punishing journalists who dare to call 'em out on it.
Another month, another batch of naked pics of Levi Johnston from Playgirl?? His cover hits newsstands Feb. 22 (we could've sworn that happened months ago, but anyway). As a bonus, a pay-per-view special on the shoot debuts Feb. 12, reports Bonnie Fuller. Has the unveiling of a veritable nobody's pasty rear ever been so thoroughly exhausted? (And is it just us, or does Levi, on that cover, somewhat resemble a young Scott Brown? Guess if you've seen one johnston, you've seen 'em all.)
Aside from the generally abysmal brand advertising we all had to suffer during this year's Super Bowl (especially all the ads clearly inspired by "Avatar," those creepy, need-to-be-retired E*Trade talking babies, and that colossally pointless Google spot ... but definitely check out this hilarious parody, taking Tiger Woods down yet one more notch), the other tedious thing about those endless commercial pods were the incessant, grating promos for CBS's prime-time shows ... with the singular exception of the genius pitch for "The Late Show," featuring Dave with his BFF (Oprah) and biggest foe (Leno). To us, it was the very best moment of the whole evening (minus the Saints' big win, duh) in that it was that truly rare thing in marketing: a real surprise, and an honest-to-God inspired idea. It even managed the impossible: making Leno seem (shudder) funny, even likable. To think, Leno's come to despise his own network to the point that he (a) was moved to finally, officially, publicly bury the hatchet with Dave after all these years and (b) go on his chief rival's net to promote his show, and during the Super Bowl no less! Consider this most public of all NBC insults just one more nail in Zucker's coffin. RELATED: The Times's Bill Carter has the skinny on how the whole Letterman promo went down, including Leno and Oprah's stealth trips to NYC and The Ed Sullivan Theater ... and Zucker giving Leno his blessing to shoot the spot (??). And speaking of the only special-needs child to ever run a network, No. 1 Zucker hater Nikki Finke also deemed this year's ads the "worst ever" (and as we all know, hers is the only opinion that counts).
Yes, "Fox NFL Sunday" host and former Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson has been enlisted by ExtenZe to be the face (or some body part) of its new ad campaign, as Ad Age is reporting. The cringe-worthy tagline? "Go long with ExtenZe. I do!" Which, natch, is our cue to chime in with: It's a hard job, but somebody's gotta do it. (Ba-dum-dum.) Eighth-grade humor to sell sex products: never gets old, does it?
Not sure a handful of iPhone apps qualifies Conde Nast as a truly "multimedia" outfit, but ... we give 'em points for at least trying to seem modern and, more to the point, competitive in the digital space. That said, it ain't exactly revolutionary: for some time, media brands (Rodale, Adweek) have been dumping terms like "press" and "magazines" from their corporate identity. Meanwhile, one of the most ambitious publishers when it comes to digital, Hearst, still proudly trumpets "magazines" in its name, as a nod, perhaps, to its heritage and, yes, to the fact that the bulk of its revenue still comes from print (as is the case, naturally, with all magazine publishers, iPad or not). So, at the end of the day, not really sure what dropping "publications" really does for Conde Nast ... but whatever helps 'em sleep at night, we guess.
At first glance, we thought that hysterical, right-wing CU-Next-Tuesday nutjob Elizabeth Hasselbeck of TV's "The View" had made a film. And yeah, yeah, we know it made like $13 million its opening weekend ... which just goes to show how hard-up people are for entertainment now that Julia Roberts isn't making movies anymore. Not only is this the lamest title for a flick in some time ... but we think we gotta add its eye-roller of a tagline to HuffPost's compilation the other day of the all-time worst. "Did you ever wish for the impossible?" Yes: a movie entertaining, clever and original enough to keep us from getting up and leaving the theater halfway through.
It will come as a surprise to absolutely no one outside the coma ward that Comcast may be having second thoughts about keeping on the only special needs child to ever run a television network, Jeff Zucker, after taking over NBC Universal. Despite having expressed "enthusiastic support" for a man who could be the inspiration for a prime-time spinoff series called "The Biggest Idiot," Zucker's front-and-center role in the Leno-Conan mess might have them finally seeing Zucker for what he really is (a professional leg-humper). That Comcast execs have tapped former NBCU exec (and Zucker nemesis) Randy Falco as a consultant on the transition cannot mean good news for the Network Napoleon, as the Post points out. This, following No. 1 Zucker hater Nikki Finke's report that Comcast insiders are saying it most definitely will take "minutes, not months" for the new owners to do to Zucker what he's done to his network and its faithful audience all these years, never mind that fresh, 3-year contract. (Score one for Team Coco.)
Once again, much-reviled former adman/canceled cable TV talker/banana-hammock-wearing/all-around douchebag Donny Deutsch has stuck his foot in his big, yapping, veneers-clad pie hole, wondering why dating site ManCrunch (whose Super Bowl ad was rejected by CBS) would want to advertise in that venue anyway since, of course, gays don't watch football. Yeah, as everybody knows, they're much too busy going to see "Wicked," shopping for towels at Bloomingdale's, walking their poodles, and blowing each other in the Meat Rack on Fire Island. Way to reduce an entire (and affluent, and big-spending, and, yes, even sports-watching and sports-participating) subset of the population to an outmoded cultural stereotype worthy of Anita Bryant, ya roly-poly, spray-tanned piece of homophobic crap. Bet the ad business, which has enough trouble nowadays, is relieved that this walking, talking fart is no longer a part of their esteemed fraternity. (Here's hoping he drives a Toyota.)
With nearly a year left on her contract, TV news's answer to box office poison Katie Couric (whose "CBS Evening News" remains hopelessly mired in distant third place) almost certainly faces a "huge cut" in her $15 million salary, as the Post is reporting. (That another 150 got canned from CBS's news division Monday surely doesn't help her case.) The paper says the consensus inside the net is that Katie's ill-conceived casting as anchorwoman was a "noble but failed experiment" (ouch) ... and speculation has it that Katie might be a natural for a daytime talker, with Queen Oprah bowing out. We couldn't agree more: time to save face, save your network, and cut and run, Katie. This whole situation reminds us more than a little of David Caruso, who infamously, arrogantly left his big, fat prime-time hit "NYPD Blue" back in the 90s to launch an ultimately failed film career ... but who was, against all odds, able to (rather, lucky enough to) reboot after returning to that which he knows best: network TV and another sweet gig, "CSI: Miami." Likewise, the chirpy Couric had a long, successful run on NBC's "Today" show doing what she's best-suited to do: making happy talk for the infotainment of stay-at-home moms during the daylight hours. Trying to turn her into an Edward R. Murrow for the soccer-mom set was an idiotic gimmick that was never, ever going to work (clearly) ... much like the selection of Conan O'Brien to helm "The Tonight Show," or Sarah Palin as v.p. nominee, or Ben Silverman to shepherd NBC's prime-time programming, or the ill-advised appointment and retention of more than a few magazine publishers we can think of. Stunts usually don't work in the long run, and "bold" decisions (as we have all, quite painfully, experienced over the last decade, over the course of way too many wars, and tax cuts for the rich, and giving the private sector a golden ticket with which to run amok) don't always make for "smart" ones.
To mark the Oscar nominations, HuffPost has compiled a list of the all-time worst movie taglines ... and at the top has to be the ludicrous "catchphrase" used to market the 1973 George C. Scott thriller "The Day of the Dolphin." (We never knew, till we saw the poster, that this masterpiece was directed by ... Mike Nichols?? Wow, Nichols really did crank out some crap over his career, didn't he?) Some of our other faves: "Laugh. Cry. Share the Pants." (from "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"); "Science Created Him. Now Chuck Norris Must Destroy Him." (from "Silent Rage"); and finally, this grabber: "They came to Space Camp with the dream of becoming astronauts. Suddenly, without warning, before they were ready, they were launched into space." (from, duh, "Space Camp"). Kind of quaint when you consider the genius taglines for current releases like, say, "Avatar": "Believe it, or not." (Good to see movie marketing has come so far.)
We guess the magazine business will take any morsel of good news it can get: even if what passes for "good news" nowadays is actually bad news that's not quite as bad as it was, say, a year ago. To wit: Newsstand sales are still way down but the losses appear to be leveling off, as Ad Age is reporting. Woo-hoo, break out the party hats! (Actual magazine circ numbers for the second half of '09 are out next Monday.) Our question: are publishers contented to live with these depressed (if less depressed) circ levels, or do they have any strategy for actually doing that truly unheard of thing in these times: growing sales?
Having succeeded in doing very little to plug those gaping holes quickly taking on water, Conde Nast management is now directing its frustration at lowly wage apes, instituting a "fraud hotline" so workers can rat out their colleagues for stealing, falsifying company records and appropriating intellectual property, as Keith Kelly broke late this afternoon. (Yeah, padded expense reports: that's the burning issue over there.) But ain't it always the way it is at these failing companies: blame employees for the downfall of the place, turn them against one another, and finally procure still more names for that list of worker bees to be dumped out onto the curb like a bunch of discarded Annie Leibovitz contact sheets. Beats the hell out of actually producing magazines consumers want to buy, selling ads and coming up with innovative ways to otherwise save your ass, we suppose.
Yeah, yeah, so they're out. Carpetbagger has the full rundown of Oscar noms in major categories ... just like every other "news" site and blog known to man, as if that many people were really interested, especially in a year when there's not even a Julia Roberts movie up for consideration! HitFix zeros in on the biggest "surprises" (not exactly up there with, say, the surprise of stepping on a land mine whilst serving your country in Afghanistan, but anyway). The big shocker those desperately in need of lives can't stop talking about: the Best Picture nod for glorified Lifetime flick "The Blind Side" (and no, we haven't seen it; when we heard church groups were organizing screenings, we figured it might not be our cup of hemlock). Sandy Buttocks, nominated for Best Actress for the film, demonstrates once more that big hair, a Southern drawl and a lame, formulaic tearjerker about overcoming class and racial conflict can often lead to Oscar gold ... and in this case, finally (possibly) redeem "Miss Congeniality 2." In other surprises, Maggie Gyllenhaal shut out Julianne Moore in the Best Supporting Actress category. When Maggie Gyllenhaal is part of the "Oscar buzz," we don't really think there's much more to say. Wake us when it's over. RELATED: "Avatar" boosts News Corp.'s earnings, reports the Times.
Not contented to have an eponymous talk show, production company, book club, magazine and soon cable channel, Oprah has decided to really branch out and do a project that's all about her, with a series on the new Oprah Winfrey Network centered around the ending of her syndicated program, as the Times is reporting. The only thing missing now is the theme park. (We were also nonplussed to see from the story that Oprah's decorator sidekick Nate Berkus is getting his own syndicated show, produced, naturally, by Oprah's Harpo. When a marginal talent whose design genius rivals that of Colin Cowie and who looks like the kind of 90-lb weakling who used to get pushed down a flight of stairs in school gets his own series, we're pretty sure it heralds the end of the once-great daytime talk show genre.)
Another movie-awards season, another Vanity Fair Hollywood issue, featuring on its cover a bunch of "up-and-coming" actresses you might have read about a time or two but who you would never, ever give a second glance in the Duane Reade checkout (and who you certainly have never seen in a movie, with the possible exception of Kristen Stewart, IF you're 15-years-old). We suppose it's a good way for V.F. to look hip and (maybe) prescient, giving so much ink to tomorrow's Streeps and Sarandons ... but, a couple of thoughts. Firstly, considering the presumed objective nowadays in the tanking publishing industry is to hang on to as many precious readers as you can, perhaps magazine editors would do well to put actual stars on their covers rather than a bunch of boring old nobodies ... especially a mag like V.F., with a median reader age of 102 that probably thinks Abbie Cornish is something you serve for Christmas dinner. Finally, far be it from us to play the race card, but ... in the age of Obama, nine lilly-white ingenues who look like they just stepped out of an all-girls school in Connecticut and not a single one with so much as a dark tan? And in a year, to boot, when Gabby Sidibe is the up-and-comer everybody's talking about? We guess the editors at V.F. feel they already satisfied this season's quota of highly-representative-of-the-African-American-community editorial features with last month's thuggish Tiger Woods cover. RELATED: Gawker handicaps the new V.F. cover, predicting which of the featured starlets will, a decade from now, "be opening pictures and which will be pitching Proactiv." UPDATE: Ad Age columnist calls out V.F.
Catch this story in WashPost about how conservatives are using Twitter and Facebook to "fuel opposition to President Obama and, sometimes, to Republicans"? If so, you're probably still vomiting. What a hip and ingenious idea to harness to power of social media to drive elections and push an agenda! (Can't imagine where they got the idea.) The story makes the point that Hillary was right: there really is a "vast, right-wing conspiracy," a tech-and-media-savvy cabal that encompasses Rush and Brent Bozell and the teabaggers and the Family Research Council and those sickos with their "Bet I Can Find 1 Million Pro-Lifers on Facebook" groups. Not that any of that's news. Which is why we find it curious that the Post devotes so much ink and verve to a story about tweeting among that set of overfed, addle-brained slugs: basically a free ad for the GOP. (One group, we see, is using Twitter to bully Al Gore into a public debate on global warming. Oh, brother.) Yes, dear editors: even though few in their ranks do, in fact, possess opposable thumbs, the right does have computers, and is using the social media that libs made so great against them (much as the 9/11 hijackers used our own technology and haphazard defenses against us). Careful there, Post, or you're going to be competing with the Times for the reporting of non-news news.
Newly elected Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown told Barbara Walters this morning on ABC News's "This Week" that he wouldn't be where he is today if not for having gone spread-eagle for Cosmopolitan magazine 28 years ago. This, following last night's hilarious "SNL" sendup of Brown's beefcake status. Way to embrace your inner mimbo, Brown ... now let's see if you can actually do anything in D.C. besides look pretty and obstruct.
After all we as a species have been through the last couple of years because of those bastard bankers and the mashed potatoes for brains we've hired at the polls to run our government and economy in the ground, we can't quite believe there's still a happening out there called the World Economic Forum. As the always-insightful New York Times reveals, live from Davos: "trust in governments, corporations and banks has become as elusive as sure footing on the icy streets of this Alpine resort." Ya don't say. We hope an effing avalanche falls on all of 'em. Meanwhile, in another much-gushed-about gathering on a snow-capped peak that seems to have lost any real reason for being, Defamer breaks down for us the various reasons the Sundance Film Festival should just fall through a gaping hole in the ice already: from embarrassingly sucky films like Joel Schumacher's "Twelve" (which apparently received the most unintentional laughter of anything since his "Batman and Robin") to the puzzling appearance of nonpersons like Paris Hilton and Jon Gosselin. Davos and Sundance: about as relevant and useful as a magazine publishers convention, a meeting of the NBC programming department, or a convocation on the Sulzberger family trust.
Now this is what we call a slow news day. Apparently lacking anything real to report, Gawker's seen fit to post an item on the wingmen and women ("consiglieri," as it puts it) of top magazine editors like Tina Brown (who, should it have escaped your notice, isn't even a magazine editor anymore). What's next: a feature on the person responsible for the maintenance of Graydon Carter's weave? Or the gentleman who operates the sushi station at the Hearst cafeteria? Or worse, Gayle King?? (Oops, looks like the Post beat everybody to that one.) For chrissakes, does anybody even give a crap about actual magazine EICs anymore, let alone their second bananas? We guess the point of the piece was the fierce "loyalty" of these trusted manservants ... and here we'd just like to submit that those tranny hookers who work the West Side rarely change pimps over the course of their careers, either. Yep, looks like riding a star editor's coattails, happily serving in the subordinate/permanent-lackey/submissive-bottom role till you finally drop dead, can provide some feeling of security and a pretty reliable payday for not-quite-up-to-top-level talent, that person contented to live his or her life as, um, "number two."
